Episode #999
Ever feel like you’re just surviving—barely making it through the day, disconnected from your partner, and exhausted from trying to hold it all together? In this episode, Doug sits down with Jason, a husband, father, and business owner who shares the raw truth of how he went from emotional shutdown, chronic pain, and near-divorce to rebuilding connection, purpose, and real partnership.
They talk honestly about what most men won’t admit: the emotional weight we carry, the struggle to show up at home after long days, and how easy it is to slip into resentment. But Jason’s story isn’t just about hitting bottom—it’s about doing the work to rise from it. He walks through the small but powerful shifts he made that helped him reconnect with his wife, become the dad he wanted to be, and find strength in vulnerability.
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Is this all there is?”—this conversation is for you. No fluff, no hype. Just real talk and a roadmap out of the fog.
Ready to stop surviving and actually fix what’s broken?
If this episode hit home and you’re wondering where to start, check out this free training at fixmarriage.thepowerfulman.com/scales. It walks you through exactly why things feel off in your marriage—and what you can start doing right now to turn it around. No fluff, just a clear path forward.
Hungry for more?
Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.
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Jason 0:00
It doesn’t stop at 6pm or 7pm No, it stops when you, when you have met that, when that transformation happens. Yes, whether that’s 2am or 3am or or 11pm you know, that’s a long that’s a long day.
Doug Holt 0:20
Yeah, I coached the most of
Jason 0:23
them. And so that’s one thing that that I’m just gonna, like kind of allude to, is, is it’s not time based, it’s outcome based, yes, and it’s that’s a transformation. Do?
Doug Holt 0:49
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. Hey look guys, have you ever been in that situation where you’re just wondering if there’s a way out? You feel like you’re in a dark tunnel? As one guy described it to me, he’s like, Doug, I just feel like I have this hat wool blanket on me, a wet one, and it’s just weighing me down. And then, have you ever wondered what it’s like on the other side of that, where you actually get to face a man who is a man you’ve only dreamed of, a man that’s only there with a relationship you ever dreamed of? Well, today’s guest has had both of those situations, and we’re going to talk about how he’s done it, how he’s turned things around in 180 multiple areas of his life in a relatively short period of time. So stick around. So you guys know, success leaves clues, and you’re definitely going to get a lot of those clues from my guest today. Jason, thanks for being back, buddy.
Jason 1:41
Thanks. Doug, yep, happy
Doug Holt 1:42
to be here. Yeah. Man, you’re at TPM ranch. You flew out here yesterday. It was great to have you for lunch. And then I had kids baseball game yesterday. Got one again. Today, we’ve done some great recordings on an area that you’re an absolute expert in, which is going to be longevity peptides, optimizing health, is maybe a general brushstroke. And one of the things that we were talking about kind of off the microphone. We’re talking about our friends and people we know outside of the movement who haven’t quite done the work. And I thought it’d be good to let other men know kind of how you’ve done it. How did you get here today with the man that’s sitting on the couch, I
Jason 2:21
guess starting from childhood, I would say I was extremely shy. I suppressed emotions. I did not learn vulnerability. I didn’t learn vulnerability from an aspect of how to be vulnerable and how to and how to also see vulnerability in others as a good thing. You know, it was always, you know, boys don’t cry, you know, So Real men don’t cry, whatever. And what I’ve learned with TPM is quite the opposite. Real men cry? Yep, they cry a lot, you know. And I love it because it’s a release, and it’s released that we need to have as humans, so otherwise we suppress it, and you’ll end up like me, on the dark side of my story. Yeah. I
Doug Holt 3:18
mean, I think a lot of people, we talk about vulnerability thing, I like to bring up to a lot of men, up to a lot of men is being vulnerable isn’t a sign of weakness. Like, that’s what I kind of thought it was. And then I started meeting so many powerful, strong men who would be vulnerable because they were so strong, right, that allowed them to be vulnerable. Right? Being vulnerable is like, hey, I’ll open up who I really am, and you have the opportunity to attack me, but I’m still, I still have the courage to be here, right? And that’s something I think is a testament so let’s fast forward a little bit to you know, you’re a business owner, right? You have an IT company. You’re married. How long have you been married for, oh, pop quiz,
Jason 4:03
20 years, okay, and September will be 21
Doug Holt 4:10
awesome. Man. Congratulations. Has Has marriage always been easy?
Jason 4:15
No, the hard thing about that saying 20 was that our 20 year anniversary was, was a rough time. Yeah,
Doug Holt 4:25
it was rough, yeah. And I think most all men can recognize that, right, the ebbs and flows of marriage, the dolls, the draws and the waiting, right? Is it going to get better? And I think most guys have this idea of, well, how does weight, you know next, next week, next month, will be better. I’ll just put my head down and bury myself in work.
Jason 4:46
What was your story in relation to my marriage with with Shannon, who I admire her so much, I’m. I’m almost gonna get teary eyed here, knowing where we’re at now compared to where we’ve been. She’s a beautiful spirit, beautiful woman, and I’d say the early years of our marriage were We were doomed for failure due to life events that you know, her losing her mom to cancer. Us being never having that chance to mature as a couple. And add to that, to two babies in the span of just two and a half years through that same trial. Add to that building a home at the wrong time right before the housing crisis. Add to that the stress of being a one man band business owner where I did everything. I had no employees at the time, and I was young, and I didn’t know how to express emotions. I didn’t know how to, you know, when Shannon would come to me with, you know, a whirlwind of emotions, I would take it as, as, like, like, like, no, no, no. Like, like, this is scary, yeah, like, I don’t know how to handle this, you know, and, and so that cumulative, you know, I often use the word synergy with from health optimization. But the the the opposite of that, the cumulative of all this hard, hard stresses and hard issues, which developed into my health crisis from on the outside, but it started with a health crisis on the inside, and that started with emotional suppression, and I was, I just wasn’t there for her. I wasn’t there for her in the way she needed me to be as a man, as a husband. So going through that, it just it built resentment on both sides. You know, here I am. You know, I’ve got these health issues, I’ve got this chronic pain and yet, and I’m sleeping three hours a night on medications, you know, and I I couldn’t even if I knew how to at that point, I’m when things were already so bad, you know, even if, even If I didn’t have those issues, I still didn’t have the tools, let alone combining that with these challenges that I was dealing with.
But I would, I would say the emotional pain through those years that I went through was as bad as the nerve pain and physical pain was the emotional pain was way worse. Yeah, way worse. And that just, it just fed into the physical pain and the amount of emotional pain that she was in. And add to that the fact that you know the most, the supposed to be most important person in her life wasn’t able to be there emotionally for her. Just bred resentment. Yeah, that just combined and accumulated over, over years, many years. And I think that happens with a lot of men. I think it does. I think it leads to divorce a lot. And men think that, oh, we weren’t just compatible, yeah, right, oh yeah, we just, we just, we just couldn’t work, right? But knowing what I know now, and seeing other men on the outside, you know, living from outside in, not inside out. I do believe that probably three out of four marriages don’t have to end in divorce. You know, you love each other, that love should grow. It shouldn’t, it shouldn’t dim. But for most, most couples, I would say it, it naturally does dim because we don’t have the tools, we don’t have the knowledge, and if you just know how to to understand your wife, you know, and their feelings and their emotions, then that that goes miles, and you being able to do that, you feel better, too, 100%
Doug Holt 9:55
you know, my wife, who coaches women, as you know, often tells me, like for women. Like having that emotional connections is oxygen for her, right? And she told me, like, when I didn’t know how to respond in a way that worked for her to her emotions, like being there for her, she felt unsafe, right? And then she felt like she was suffocating within the relationship. She was like, I loved you so much, but I felt suffocating. And I grew up in a family with all boys, you know, so the way I connected was making making jokes and sarcasm for you and Shannon, when you guys were going through this, you got young kids, you know, who want you need your attention. They need her. They need you. You got a business. You’re trying to grow. You’re trying to be the provider, the protector of the family, do what you think’s best. And now, from her point of view, she’s home with the kids, I’m guessing, right, all day, so not having adult conversations. And then you come around and you’re like, hey, I don’t I’m not available for all of this turmoil, basically, right? That’s how I would interpret it. What do we think was going on for her during this time?
Jason 11:02
She’s kind of told me how she has felt through those years. You know, she just lived every day to survive. Yeah, wow. You know, every day, I mean, she didn’t feel like she had a partner in my my my life, you know, my health challenges became an obsession to try to get better, because I knew deep within like, I can’t be my best self if I didn’t feel good. Yeah, and dealing with with pain, it’s not like I was, like, putting my health first on purpose, but I just couldn’t show up in the way that I even if I had the tools like I couldn’t show up for her in the way that I needed to feeling, the way I felt, you know. So I think that I found that as a crutch as well, which is bad, you know, in hindsight, 2020 you know, throw all that garbage out the window. Forget about the pain I’m in and just love her. Love her for who she is, love her for the challenges she’s going through, support her, put her first, and, and, and that other stuff that I was dealing with would have gotten better to a to a point, because the the amount of stress, the amount of suffering on the inside that we were both dealing with, and pain, emotional pain was a recipe for for for resent, resentment, you know, building resentment on from both of our parts, and that breeds judgment, and that breeds toxicity. So so she, she just felt unseen, unheard and unloved, and and then when I, you know, I started trying to figure this stuff out on my own for my, the what I was dealing with, then that just looked like another thing that I was putting before her.
Doug Holt 13:34
Yeah, right, yeah. So she’s less important, yeah. I mean, I can, I can relate to a lot of this. And I’m sure the guys listening to it could too to us. You know, the way I always think about it, for me, Jason and I’m listening to you, is, you know, on our wedding day, we have this woman looking at us in the eyes, right, just saying, okay, putting all of her faith and trust in who we are and the man that we’re going to become, only to find themselves third, fourth, fifth fiddle, so to speak. Yeah, in the background, you said, she said, I’m just trying to survive every day. And here we are in one of the wealthiest places in the world with the person that we love just trying to survive. You think about that despair going through there, and I share that not to make you feel bad, but also, at least for me and we talked about this off air, a lot of the guys listening to this right now, because they get on a phone call with one of our advisors just to see if the program’s a good fit. And nine times out of 10, what are they saying? If my wife would just change?
Jason 14:35
Oh my gosh, 100%
Doug Holt 14:39
Yeah, I was the same way. Well, if she would just change, this would be great. Doesn’t she realize how amazing I am, how lucky she is to be with me? Yeah, girl at the gym seems to like me. The barista seems to like me. What’s her problem? But I’m sure I’m the only one
Jason 14:55
that went through that. Yeah, you’re the one. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Doug Holt 14:59
Yeah. Yeah, and that’s the thing, right? When you talk about that resentment. So here we have these two parties, right? So you have Shannon, your wife, feeling isolated, alone, trying to survive right now she’s trying to take care of these two kids, and herself not feeling like she’s got a partner to back her up. And then my guess is your story is, why isn’t she doing all these things for me? I’m out busting my butt trying to build this business for us. Look at this house we’re building. You know, she’s got a latte or what, it’s like, the smallest things, right? Yeah. And, you know, like, if she would only, you know, change and give me the love that I respect and admiration that I deserve, then we’d be happy.
Jason 15:41
You know, what’s amazing about what you just said is, I’m just having flashbacks of, of just the way I used to be. And it was, it was just that, you know, had a hard, hard day. I want to go home and and I want to vent, you know, like, about all this stuff that I’m that’s been so stressful today, you know? And that’s the last thing she wants to hear, of course, right? Yeah, on the contrary, if and when and I’m not good at I’m like, I’m getting better at this. I’m not a pro, but if I can go home and decompress before I go home. Switch from work mode to what we call CFO, you know, Chief fun officer, yeah, try to be, try to be a fun dad and and try to bring a sense of lightness and calmness to the home instead of heaviness and stress, yeah, and go home and go and seek for her to tell me how her day was, even though, if I had the worst day ever and granted, like, like, we’re to a point where if I let her know that I’m having a really bad day, like, she gives me Grace, like she she’s like, she’ll be there for me, yeah, and that’s such a unique position to be in compared to where we’ve been in the
Doug Holt 17:09
past. We’ll touch on that in a second, because I do want the guys to know where you guys are now, but that’s partnership, right? And that’s what everybody wants. Everybody wants them, them, their partner, to be the power couple, right? It’s you mean, against the world, babe, right? That kind of attitude. And for some reason, for most marriages, you know, it ends up being just the opposite. They’re strangers, right? You become strangers in your own house, and you don’t feel welcome in your own house, and it’s not the place you want to be anymore. What was the moment for you that you said, All right, I gotta do something about this. What was that light bulb moment? Do you recall?
Jason 17:52
I would say 2022 I kind of hit a point where I’d kind of had it, you know, I thought I was right, right. I thought that I was doing everything as well as I possibly could. We tried therapy multiple times and and honestly, I would say that it was in hindsight, it was selfish, like what I was feeling and expressing, because it was all about me, but I wasn’t getting my needs met, And and she wasn’t either. And I was like, like, like, what’s the point? Let’s just be done. Yeah, right. And I don’t, I don’t know what I don’t know what I searched for. I don’t know how Facebook caught me. I think I’ve probably clicked three or four marketing ads on Facebook. My whole life, I don’t like to spend a lot of time on there, but the TPM ad started showing up over and over and over, and I finally, like, I clicked on it, you know, and then i i actually fill out a form like, what, what am I doing? Right? And and then I think I got a call the next day from Jake, Jake Peterson, great guy, one of the most I love that man, yeah, I do too. He’s amazing. And everything he was saying to me landed, but I would not admit it to myself. I wouldn’t admit it to him. I kept saying no. I kept saying no, like I’m not. I don’t have the money for this. How can I dare justify this? Right? But it felt right. Yeah, felt right. And I’m the kind of I am a the kind who type, who wants to figure stuff out on my own, right and, and I, I’ve taken stabs at that. I’ve read the books, I’ve done, you know, these different things. And what was missing was accountability. What was missing was some knowledge of some basic principles and applying them to my life, starting with me, it’s about me so I can be my best self, and so that can overflow into the other relationships.
Doug Holt 20:48
Yeah. So here’s a question that I think a lot of guys have, so you eventually said, Yes, right? I
Jason 20:56
did. He did. I got a money back guarantee
Doug Holt 21:02
board. Bordeaux, so you eventually said, Yes, you go into the program. Now a lot of guys are going, Well, wait a minute, right? How can you save your How can you affect your marriage? How can you affect your partner? If you’re the one just doing the work. Shouldn’t she have to do the work? Did you start to notice changes early on? And
Jason 21:27
she knows this, I’m the type when I do something, I really go all in and especially when you put a little bit of money behind it, you know you you’re good in the game. You’re investing in yourself at that point. So you want to get the most out of it. So, you know, the the TPM starts with The Activation Method and learning that I’ve lived my whole life as a deactivated man, yeah, right, like, I I care too much about what other people think I’m a shy person. I’m, you know, I’m, I worry about, Oh, what about rejection? You know, all these things affect me, and they and they shouldn’t, right? They shouldn’t affect me to that level. And so you’re learning about the different territories, about self, health, relationships, wealth, business, and how they all correlate to your question, there was an immediate response. I’m talking days within two weeks. In fact, her birthday was only two weeks into The Activation Method, and I was already learning these basics, that they just came so natural to me. They made so much sense. I’m a I’m an analytical person, and and they were, I love synergy. You know, they were synergistic. And that birthday for her, I believe she would have to say herself, but it was probably the best birthday from me, where she felt seen and connected on an emotional level, a teeny bit, yeah, but to her, I think it felt like a lot, sure, right? Because it hadn’t had it right in so long. That was so that was a start of some of some great greatness, some great improvements,
Doug Holt 23:35
awesome. And then after The Activation Method, you continued on with the brotherhood and did your Alpha Reset in the UK, right? Yeah. And with, you know, it’s a three day relatively intense experience, yeah, people might say, Yeah, who is the guy going in versus the guy that came out?
Jason 23:57
It’s interesting, because going in, like I already, I had already grown so much over these, you know, six to eight weeks, yeah, that, you know, there was still a piece missing. There was still, like this inner, confident, masculine level of Jason that was missing, you know? Yes, I was learning tools, yes, I was applying them, yes, I was being held accountable. Yes, I was being coached at a direction, in a way that I’ve never been coached before in my life. And and I was being inspired by the other men that were in my group and and we all became brothers. You know, we all confided in each other. You know, on a daily basis. It wasn’t just once a week, you know, we were connecting almost daily, through through the channel, the through the program. And. I’ve formed these incredible relationships to these men that I call. I call them my best friends, and some of them I’ve never met in person, right? Yeah. But going to the reset, I was like a deer in headlights, man, like, I still, there’s still something missing, like I said, and coming out of it, I call it, like those, like three to four days was the equivalent of probably 10 years of real therapy. I hear that, you know, yeah, complete, stripped down the old and rebuild. Like, who are you really Yeah? And what I learned there, this is my biggest takeaway, that I learned from my reset, was I learned that I never truly loved myself, and I probably judged myself more than I nurtured myself too, and if I can’t love myself, I can’t authentically love others 100% so that that was be my biggest takeaway, that transformation for me was that, among other things,
Doug Holt 26:14
I hear that from men all the time saying it was probably one of the most transformational experiences of their lives, if Not or most important experience in our lives? Yeah, and I think tell me from wrong here, but most men don’t realize they don’t know their true selves. They just feel like something’s missing, right? There’s just like a puzzle piece missing. The other analogy we hear all the time is being unplugged, like The Matrix kind of analogy, like, all of a sudden you can see things in a different way that you you know, and you know, you know how you you hear something, or you experience something, that you have a knowing of it being true. Like you’re just like, okay, that’s, that’s what I kind of, I think the Alpha Reset, like you look at yourself and go, ah, there he is. Yeah, yeah,
Jason 26:59
yeah. Yeah. 100% Yep. That your true
Doug Holt 27:03
authentic self, yep, comes out and comes forward,
Jason 27:07
and you can’t get there without an extreme level of vulnerability. And that is something that I’ve really tried to carry with me, and I am willing to be vulnerable in conversation with about anybody. Now, it’s hard though, because a lot of people are out there to like, they people wear masks, right? Yep, and, and if you try to be vulnerable, not try, try the wrong, wrong word, like, if you are, if you are vulnerable around those type of people, then they, they’ll still use that against you, almost like, like you’re a teenager, you know, how how boys, how you were with friends in high school and middle school and stuff, You know? Hey
Doug Holt 28:01
guys, I just wanna share something with you. I’m sure we can both agree that in order to fix something, you need to know what’s broken. And not only need to know what’s broken, but a step by step methodology on how you can fix it. That’s the easiest way to do it right. Otherwise, you’re gonna be toiling with things. That’s why I created a free training, a training that only shows you how you got to where you are, where your relationship is missing, that love, respect, admiration, and even intimacy that it used to have to how you get it back. How do you retain that where your wife’s looking at you the same way she used to look at you when she said, I do. You know, I don’t know about you. But for me, when my wife looks at me like I’m her man, that feel like I can conquer the world, and I want that for you, simply go over to the powerful man.com forward slash scales. That’s the powerful man.com. Forward slash scales, and I have a free video training for you. You can just click play and see if this resonates for you. Now, back to the podcast.
Jason 29:02
And so there’s a level of of, you know, the you know who you are, around the five, five most, five people you’re around the most. You become a sum of, right? Yep. So I do believe pretty strongly that that you want to surround yourself with good people, people that you can confide into, and then when you’re around people that you can’t confide in, then, yeah, there’s not, there’s not always a place To to open up if people don’t want to engage with that on that deep level, on that deep level with vulnerability. And I I’m to a point where, like, I love, I love being vulnerable with people, you know, if, if they want, if they want to have that kind of conversation, you.
Doug Holt 30:00
Yeah, do you find in my experience, people that tried to like you said, use it against you are people who are just scared. Right there it’s they’re so scared of their own shadow, so to speak, not in a Jungian terms, but like a just, they’re afraid. So they lash out like a teenager. Would I have to take him down, because he’s reflecting back to me the power that’s inside of you, right? And also it’s hard now to have conversations that are surface level, once you experience the richness of what’s possible in a conversation or getting to know somebody. And you know, for me, I find when I have those, you know, I have kids, right? So I talk about this a lot in the podcast. I’m going to a baseball game here in a little bit, and there’ll be a bunch of dads in there, right? And those are the guys I’m with, that group of dads by consequence of my son’s baseball game. And it’s almost like breathing in oxygen when you find another guy, even a woman, but another guy who’s strong enough to have a you know, we can tell fart jokes, talk about smart sports, but then also talk about real life stuff, yeah? And be honest and open. And when you find that person, it’s a sense of relief, yeah?
Like, Oh, thank goodness I don’t have to have that same BS conversation about the roundabout being built down the street, or whatever else it might be that’s just surface level. So you’ve been in a, you go through the Alpha Reset, you’ve been to some of the events Argentina, being the most notable one for me, at least the breath work session. I remember that one with you that was incredible. Yeah, that was great. And you’re, you know, you’re surrounded by 40 other men that are, you know, businessmen, high achievers that are also here to save their families themselves and play at another level, right? That’s the key. Or they’re here to grow and play at a different game life in fast forward. So we talked about also how your life was your wife feeling like she’s surviving. What would she say today? Would she say, You know what? Doug, I’m still just surviving day to day. It’s not what I signed up for. What do you think she’d say? I don’t want to speak
Jason 32:07
for her, right. Like she’d say that we are in a place where, even if even a couple years ago was we never thought possible, yeah, right? Like I just man, going home and pulling into the driveway and being like, and having the feeling I can’t wait to get inside, versus pulling in the driveway and be like, I don’t want to go inside. You know? Like, like, working late, yeah, to avoid going home, yep, versus, I want to get done with work so I can get home. Yes. You know, it’s that, yes.
Doug Holt 32:53
That’s what all of us want, right? I’ve been there before. Describe it like putting my hand, like, soon as I touched that door knob, for like, kryptonite, like, I just didn’t want to turn that doorknob and walk through that door. Yeah, to fast forward right now, you’re like, looking forward to hanging out with that person. For me, it was stepping into the marriage. Honestly, I didn’t think was possible, let alone the one I dreamed of. Yeah, you know, and being in there and going forward, and you admit, you know, you’ve made some amazing you told me we’re chatting outside on the porch. You made some total health turnarounds too, which your passion. So I want to talk about that. But you made a comment saying, like a lot of guys, think that all they have to do is get ripped and jacked and then their wife’s going to want them. And what was your response? How did you continue that
Jason 33:42
conversation? That’s a hell no,
Doug Holt 33:45
yeah. Women don’t care,
Jason 33:47
yeah, in fact. So when I started my fitness journey, it was, it was like, okay, if I’m gonna be in chronic pain, I’m gonna be in good pain, yeah, you know. And that’s when I got into peptides, and I got into, you know, health optimization and biohacking, and, you know, all these things. And, you know, I went, I went from skinny fat in a matter of two years to under 5% body fat and, and probably a 16 pack, you know, if you count the obliques, you know, everything so very lean and very, very cut, shredded, whatever you know. And but when things are bad with between us, it means nothing. Yeah. On the contrary, it’s like, I think her comments, like, because the kids would go to me like, gosh, how do you have so many veins popping out everywhere, you know? And she’d make a comment like,
Doug Holt 34:52
that’s not even attractive, you know. She wants your heart, your soul,
Jason 34:57
right? Yeah. And I was like, I’m like. I took that offensively, you know. Like, of course, every every man wants to have veins popping out, you know that. And it’s not that man, you know. And on the contrary, I think that women are attracted to men, and I’ve, this is based on some research I’ve done, but like, they’re attracted to men who are physically fit and might have veins popping and stuff, not because the veins are popping because, but because they see these men are investing in themselves 100% right? Yeah, but, but when you’re living with with her, like she doesn’t care about that, like she cares about how you show up, yes, she cares about the energy that you put off. She cares about, you know, is she feeling seen and loved and heard, and is she feeling validated in the struggles that she’s going through, like that’s gonna be more attractive to her than anything physical?
Doug Holt 36:00
Tell me about my wife tells me I’m hot every day, and I’m like, geez, to not go to the optometrist. No glasses for you.
Jason 36:09
You’re a good looking just
Doug Holt 36:11
but my point is, is, like for women, it’s more the emotional energy we bring. You know, if I bring good emotional energy, I’m there, I’m solid, I’m grounded, I’m on purpose, right? My wife is going to find me sexy. Whether I’m fat, whether I’m slim, doesn’t matter. Now, is it a bonus? Oh, heck, yeah, right. But we as men are more the physically optic creatures, right? So we notice each other’s physiques before. Women notice your physique. Women notice your energy. Yeah, right. And how grounded is he? So a woman will talk about a man being safe, and when they’re not talking about his physical ability to protect her, they’re talking about his emotional, his grounded stability. And I didn’t know that. It made no sense to me back in the day, and when a man like yourself can found, find his true core and is grounded state that women find that to be the most sexy thing ever. Yeah,
Jason 37:07
yes, yes, yeah. If I because I’m not perfect, I’m like 10% perfect. Okay, so I suck, dude. I still really suck at a lot of this stuff, but, but I also know to recognize when, when I’m falling short, yeah, and when I’m falling short, it’s usually I’m I’m falling out of routines. I’m not doing, you know, some daily practices just to get my head on straight. I’m not decompressing before I go home to shift from work mode to to family mode. You know, they’re basic things, but it’s so easy to get caught in that cycle, especially if you’re doing lengthy projects at work, a lot of stress, you know, things like, like that, then it’s hard to show up for yourself, yeah, to put in the time and a little bit of energy into yourself so you can show up to be your best self at home.
Doug Holt 38:15
Yeah? So we’ve got, I mean, I’m gonna speak to that for a second so the guys can understand what you’re talking about, I think we have seven or eight coaches at TPM, all world class, in my opinion. I’m biased, but we wouldn’t select anybody that’s not and we know that there’s something going on when there’s two reasons that guys start to slip right. Reason one, things aren’t going well, and they get ashamed, right? So the shame hits them, yeah. The second reason guys start to slip is things are going so well, they stopped doing their routines and things that they learned in the beginning, right? Like, oh, it’s great. We’re having sex all the time. My wife’s happy, like, everything’s great. And then over time, it starts to eat away and they fall back into old routines.
I mean, you’ve been doing you’ve related to women and yourself for 40 years plus, and now you’re learning these new tools and getting these great results. You’ve only got a few years of reps in there that you keep getting to get it’s like that wagon wheel, right? You need to keep the wagon wheel goes over the same train over and over again. The ruts get deeper. We want those ruts to be deep for you and for your wife, not the other way. And so it just takes those reps to get through something else I asked you on the porch, right? I think is we’re talking about kind of how he did it, how Jason went from where we’ll call him Jason one point. Now I think you said that on the porch to Jason today. Do you think the man that’s sitting here now would be recognizable to the guy four years ago? No, no, I don’t in good ways. Yeah, yeah. Tell me a little bit more about that.
Jason 39:58
I would. In the past, it was, you know, I lived based on what other people thought of me. A little too much. A prime example would be, I love basketball, yeah, you know. So it’s like, you go to play, you go pick up play a pickup game with all your buddies. And, you know, these guys and everybody’s pretty good and whatever. And Jason 1.0 is going to feel good after the game if he plays well. Jason 2.0 is going to feel good after the game if he lifted others up, if he was a good teammate. Yeah, right. So I would relate that to marriage like Jason 2.0 is gonna feel good when he can lift his wife up. That’s beautiful. Yeah,
Doug Holt 40:56
you were talking about your son in there. Go into any details or anything, but do you think he’s benefiting from the work that you’ve done.
Jason 41:02
Yeah, yeah. Gosh, after my reset, I like, kind of made this, like, promise to myself, none of my boys are going to grow up without doing an Alpha Reset, and none of my girls are going to marry somebody that hasn’t been like, and that’s just like, Is that realistic? I don’t know, but, but, like, that’s really how deep rooted and impactful this has been for me. And I’m not saying that everybody, that everybody needs to do what I’ve done. Yeah, right. Like, if you, if you get married somebody, and you both have a good head on your shoulders, and you’ve been raised in a way to where you you’ve been, you’ve been emotionally connected to your family your whole life, and to friends and others, and your partner has been too. Then chances are you’re, you’re probably going to be able to
Doug Holt 42:00
figure stuff out. You know, they’re not listening to this, right? Now, the
Jason 42:04
Yeah, yeah, they don’t need to listen to this, right?
Doug Holt 42:07
That’s the reality of it, right? Yeah, that’s such a small number of people, various. How many people have you met that naturally have the skills that
Jason 42:14
you’ve learned? I mean, I would say one in 10. Yeah, maybe Yeah. For me, it’s a lot less than that. Yeah. Yeah. And, and going back to the thing you said earlier, like being around other other men, like it’s, it’s easy to to spot those people, those men that have done the work. Yes, you can feel it in their energy. They they build you up. They’re always seeking to to, you know, help you like they’re validating everybody you know, all the time, instead of, instead of using sarcasm and using humor and everything to as a mask, per se
Doug Holt 43:05
Sure. Yeah, I always think about it for guys listening and for myself too. I mean, I live in a small town now. We’ve relocated to but it’s how many times you have an opportunity to surround yourself by, say, five, 510, men that are playing a bigger game. They can joke, you can laugh, you can play pick up basketball, but you could be honest and real about things are going with your kids. Things are going with your business, your wife. Most guys don’t talk about that stuff, period. Unless for some guys, you have that friend that gets too drunk and then starts telling you that his wife had an affair, or what have you. Yeah, but they don’t come to their buddies and say, Hey, man, I’m struggling now, imagine surrounding yourself with 510, guys, or 100 guys, and that are competitive as heck. The guys in TPM are competitive men, but the competition is, how can we lift up everybody? Yeah, we have that reward called the brothers brother that we give out, and it’s where all the men vote internally, right on which men exemplifies what we do, lifts others up and and it’s a competitive award. Guys want to win it, right? We’re men, but it’s you vote for the man, not just because he’s popular, not just because he’s the wealthiest. You vote for him because he’s he’s walked the walk, and he’s lifting, he’s he’s raising the tide for everybody alongside of him on the journey, you know, and that’s what it’s about,
Jason 44:28
yeah, yeah, Justin, yeah, yeah. I love that, man, so do. I might listen to this. I don’t know. I confided in him a lot when I was going through some challenges in the last couple of years, and yeah, he’s one of those that he’s always looking to lift other men up and in life, like we’re craving to be around those kind of men, like we’re craving to be able to open up, sure, because you want. To you want to be able to to be free and be able to speak truth, you know your inner truth, and not just live outside in and speak outside in but, but it’s hard to find other men that that you can actually have those kind of conversations with
Doug Holt 45:21
Yeah, I don’t even think I knew I needed it until I got it right. It was like, one of those things like, Oh, wow. I didn’t even know this was a possibility here. Yeah, and hindsight, being 2020, I’ve been approached by other guys to be in groups like that, but I couldn’t see it. I wasn’t ready. You know, in my early 20s or so, had a computer programmer guy started group. He’s like, it’s like, UFC guys who also like personal development. He was trying to get a guy, group of guys together, and just couldn’t quite pick it. I’m like, Well, I like all those things, but you know just what? I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready back at that time in my life. And then when I did encounter it, I was like, Ooh, this is different. These men have no skin in the game other than bettering me. They just, they get a kick and a charge out of helping people. How cool is that, you know? And you said something to me, I hope you’re okay with me saying it, but you’re like, I just want to inspire people, right? And that’s, that’s what life, to me, is all about, and that’s why I’m in this position. This is, I think this is my calling. This is what I’m here for, is to help others. And you’re doing that, man. I mean, for the guys listening to this, they’re going to relate to your story. We’ve all I can relate to your story of where you’ve been and the the trials and the tribulations and blaming Erin, who was my wife, and finding out that she was suffering in silence, crying in the shower by herself because she didn’t want me to see her cry. You know, she breaks my heart every time I think about it. Fast forward to today, when it’s you know better and beyond, and now you have that too, and it’s a beautiful thing. You get to pay it forward. Yeah,
Jason 47:01
yeah. I think, I think that going, going through life, you can either coast or or you can dive in. And part of diving in is, is, you know, living the journey, not the destination, yeah, and what you just said about Aaron, it was just part of a lot of pain to me because, because I know Shannon was, was similar, you know, and, and, you know, I’m, I feel like I’ve owned my side of that street, you know, on that and I’m just happy that we’re we’re moving forward, and for us, you know that that first year after I started TPM, things were pretty good, and then, and then she started to realize, like, Maybe I want to work on me now. So she she started not not therapy. I think that at that point she had decided that therapy was had failed her, yeah, multiple times. And so she started life coaching and working on her inner child as well, you know, her her past and traumas and stuff and things. And then things were really good, and then things got worse. Yeah, she was working on herself, and I didn’t really realize it for about six months.
And then and it got worse and worse, and we hit another dark spot, yeah, you know, and, and, and looking back like, if I could have just given her more grace and more space, and if I could have just got rid of some expectations and and understanding that, you know, she is doing this for, for her, her self development, knowing and having faith that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to work out, whether that’s together at the end or not together. You know, yeah, then life would have been a little bit easier for me during that tough time. But that goes to tell you, like, even if you’re all in and you’re doing all the work, it doesn’t mean things are going to be perfect, no. And on the contrary, a lot of people don’t start working on themselves until they hit rock bottom, and that’s that. And same with their health, you know? Because, you know, I’m really big with my health optimization and and with myself, and now I love helping other people with that too. So I love surrounding myself with like the conversations I love or things I’m passionate about. And I can be passionate about about health optimization, but I can be passionate. About self development make me passionate about being vulnerable. I be passionate about deep conversations. But what I like, those things give me energy. Those things give me a drive to to want to help myself and others, whereas those surface level conversations you’re talking about, it’s like, just energy depleting and like, I just want to go home. Why am I here? Yeah,
Doug Holt 50:32
I mean, it really is. And I think going all in the way you have is hard, takes a lot of work, takes courage. You invested capital. You vested money. More importantly, invested time, a lot of time and hope and energy directed somewhere that’s hard. Coasting, I would say, is much harder. It just doesn’t feel hard when you’re doing it, yeah, but it’s much harder. You get to choose your hard, which hard you want. You want the hard that could potentially get you an award, right? You get a reward, I should say, and actually have a great outcome of living your potential, or do you want the heart of just coasting and sedating yourself? You know, I’m gonna watch Monday Night Football again and Thursday football on Saturday college and Sunday and, you know? And there’s nothing wrong with that, if when it’s a choice, and I enjoy watching sports too, but I know so many guys who are more passionate about their football or basketball or baseball team than they are about their own family and but when you ask them, what’s the most important thing to you, they would say 100% of time my family. If you could just apply the amount of time and energy you spend on your fantasy football team and to bettering yourself in relationships, you’ll the football team will still be there, right? Yeah, right. But the the juice of life, the connection you’re gonna have with your kids, with your wife, when, when your child wants to come talk to dad and get advice from dad, right? All of us want to be that dad, that are that when our kids are going through a hard time, that we’re the light that they look towards, not somebody else. And so to me, that that’s worth the hard. I’ll take that every day. I’ll do that rep, or I’ll do whatever it takes to get there. I don’t care what it is.
Jason 52:16
You know, as men, we want to fix things like we your when your daughter comes to you, my 16 year old daughter, or my 11 year old daughter, you know they’re they come to me with a question, or or or to talk to me. Three out of four times they’re coming, they just want to vent. They just want to release, and they want and they want you to just listen and to validate them. And it’s still hard not to go into like, fix it mode. Like, oh, you will, let’s do this. Yeah, for guys, let’s do this. Like, you know, and, and, but, but when you just listen and validate, it empowers them to for them to take the next step, whether, whether they figure it out on their own, or they come back to you for specific advice. Oh, okay, dad, well, what? What can I do? What should I do to do that? You know? So it’s a process, yes, and you can’t get and it’s just like your marriage, there’s nothing you can do to change your wife. Nothing like they like she has to change herself if she wants to change yeah, there you can lead to an extent and and the the thing that that I alluded to before, and that I allude to both in in in Health and itself, is a lot of times people don’t start working on themselves until they are until they have hit that rock bottom. Yeah, so whether you’re at rock bottom or whether you are right there in the middle, do things to improve yourself, like, figure out how you can show up better for your family. Yeah, no, that would be, that would be my recommendation to anybody and everybody you know, start now you know, on, on every, every one of those territories you know do things to grow in every territory, to improve 100%
Doug Holt 54:42
a testimony to you. I mean, your kids come to you because they trust you and they’re safe for them. That’s the energy work you’ve done, and who you’ve who you show up as. Having 1000s of men through the program, I can tell you, not all the guys have that, and they love those guys would die for it, you know. So that’s a testimony to you and who you are and how you. Show up. And like I told you, you know, guys listening to this? You know, I looked at the stats, we had a 4500 men come to the inquire page on our website, the powerful man.com to find out more information. Of that number, very few guys actually get onto a phone call with one of our advisors. And, you know, over there few take action. I know you’re one of them. Took you some some prodding to get through, and that’s okay, but you’ve got to take action, right? That makes men like you 1% of a 1% who flipped things around, have changed your destiny. You’ve changed the destiny of yourself. You’ve changed the destiny of your wife and your kids like their whole story has been rewritten because you were willing to take action and do work, and you’ve done it like you’ve gotten your hands dirty. It’s not you don’t just sign up, give a credit card, and then everything gets fixed. You gotta do the work and you gotta go through the mud, and it’s like getting a gym membership. You don’t just get a gym membership and all of a sudden become ripped, or come buff, or what have you? You got to go there and lift the weights, sweat it out and do the work. And this is no different. We’re not saying it’s easy, but I am saying it’s worth it.
Jason 56:11
You know, the thing is, is a lot of lot of guys will this is me, yeah, you know, like, what can I do to figure this out on my own? I was saying, Okay, I’m going to read this book. You read the book. How do you apply it? Yep, you know? Sure. So the thing I’ve loved about about what TPM has done for me, it’s given me structure, and, like I said the beginning accountability, yeah, I mean not just the incredible coaching that is 100x over. What a therapy. What therapy is, you know? And that’s, that’s what I I’m going to allude to something at the reset that day never ends until the work is done, like there’s a day when you dive really, there’s a couple days where you dive deep. It doesn’t stop at 6pm or 7pm No, it stops when you when you have met that, when that transformation happens. Yes, whether that’s 2am or 3am or 11pm you know, that’s a long that’s a long day, yeah, most of them. And so that’s one thing that that I’m just gonna, like kind of allude to, is, is it’s not time based, it’s outcome based, yes, and it’s that’s the transformation. It is.
Doug Holt 57:45
It is. And it’s the same thing with your journey, with your relationships. It’s outcome based, not time based, right? Some men are able to literally change everything over in a week, and some men it takes years. I had a guy who’s done one on one. He did one on one for almost four years, and I got a message from him, and after that period of time, and quite honestly, he listens to this. You’ll know who I’m talking about, and we’re like brothers. He just couldn’t get through his thick skull to do some of the stuff we thought in his Finally, his marriage is where he wants it to be, but it’s a testimony to him. He never gave up. He never gave up. He wanted to give up a lot, but we all do, right? It’s hard, and sometimes you think, you know, it’d be easier if I go with the other woman. It’d be easier if I did the other thing. And those are just BS stories we’re telling ourselves, and it’s also not what we want. We’re bringing the same baggage into a different relationship,
Jason 58:37
doing that. Yeah, there’s no there’s no quick fix.
Doug Holt 58:41
There’s none. Yeah, there’s none. Man, thanks so much for all you do and all you’re giving back. And now you’ll have this component of the academy that you’ve put together to help men better optimize their health so they can have that on there. Because also, the truth of it is, is if your health is deteriorating, it’s hard to be in relationship with other people and be your best self. So I appreciate all you. You symbolize all you stand for, be it being a lighthouse and a wolf, yourself, wise, open, loving and fierce, and all that you do for the movement. Thank you. Thanks, Doug, you got it, brother. Gentlemen, as I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action, and you’re hearing massive action right here, Jason, just like myself and probably you guys, right? We all have these ideas that we’re gonna fix ourselves. So don’t go from one podcast to another. I call that emotion basically educational masturbation, right? You’re going from one thing to another. Man, I used to digest like 10 podcasts a day. It was ridiculous. On walks, on drives. Don’t do that. Take action. Get off the fence and do it is now you don’t have to go through The Activation Method or anything with TPM. That’s not what I’m trying to say. Do something, though. Get off the fence and do something. If you think TPM might be a good fit, then get on a call with one of our advisors. It’s free. There’s no risk. It’s a phone call, and all they’re gonna do is ask you about your situation. Situation, what’s going on, and they’ll let you know if they think this is a good fit for you. And a lot of times they just say, No, it’s not the right place for you. Go check something else out. It’s a phone call. Guys, just make that commitment to whatever you do and take that action. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.